The Continuing Shift

This is me with Nobilis Reed. I'm 5'3". He's 6'8".

Just got back from Balticon, where I got to hang out with some of my favorite people in the world, met even more awesome people, and missed a couple folks who had other obligations. Then I drove seven hours on no sleep to make sure Rosemary didn't miss her plane. I ended up screaming out lyrics to fast-paced songs so I didn't fall asleep at the wheel. Now my voice sounds like Ke$ha. I did not wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy.

With the exception of ConTemporal, which I will be attending with the North Carolina D20 girls as part of the convention staff, this is my last con of the year. I would love to go to more, but it's just not in the cards.

If you've been reading the blog, you know I quit my day-job back in March, and things have gone about like you'd expect:

• I thought about going back to school, but decided against it.
• I got a part-time job scooping ice cream but it wasn't enough to pay the bills.
• I'm moving back in with my parents, and I am very lucky to be able to do that but scared of returning to the same isolation I had when I came back from Japan.

My parents have told me not to worry about getting a job for three months. This is insanely generous of them, and I am so thankful and fortunate not only to have the ability to move back in with them, but to have their support and belief that I can actually do both voice acting and writing and make what I love into my day job.

This coming month, I'm narrating two books on ACX/Audible and have been asked to audition for another, which I may decide to accept pending audition and direct offer, because it's sold quite well on Amazon given it's recent release and the story would give me the opportunity to do some accents I rarely get to exercise...as well as read something other than romance.

But that will be after I move. Seriously, the guy downstairs moved out and they're fixing up the apartment so the new folks can move in.

Here is an example of the drilling noises I hear every day while I'm trying to record...and my voice post-Balticon.

I'm getting enough decent offers from ACX, that I really hope I will be able to support myself, at least in part, on recording. If I could just make enough to pay off my debts, I would be happy.

So I've decided my goal is to support myself through writing and voice acting.

Which brings me to another point. I am still pursuing traditional publishing, but in talking to Abbie and a few other folks, I've decided not to limit myself only to that anymore. If I can afford to put the money into my book that I would be relying on publishers for (for in-depth editing, cover art, and the marketing I would want to do) I think I have a good chance with it. However, until the market settles down and I have the capital to actually give my books the attention I want to give them, I will still be pursuing traditional publishing with my longer works. I have a lot of confidence in my writing, but I know there's room to improve - enough that I don't want to short-change my chances.

So, I'm using the Millroad Academy Exorcists series to teach myself how to do this e-publishing thing. Exorcising Aaron Nguyen is coming together well, and through the crazy chance networking opportunity generator that is Twitter, I did end up winning a free in-depth edit... which is awesome, because I never could have afforded it! I also did a reading from the second draft at BaltiCon and feel really excited about doing the audiobook version myself. I may put up the audio from that reading a bit later.

This post's shout outs include awesome new people I met:

• Benjamin Charles Press Esq (our paths would have crossed eventually. Glad it was here.)
• Myke Cole (who appeared on Pendragon's live panel, then gave the best 3AM pep talk ever)
• Hugh O'Donnell (who I finally got to hang out with some)
• Katie Bryski (a fellow author, podcaster, nerdfighter, and Disney/Musical enthusiast)

Awesome people I got to hang out with again:

• Veronica Giguere
• Starla Huchton
• Nobilis Reed
• Norm Sherman
• Renee Chamblis
• Doc Coleman

Friends at con who feel more like family:

• Abigail Hilton
• Bryan Lincoln
• Rosemary Tizledoun

And friends I missed seeing:

• Justin Macumber
• Tee Morris
• Pip Ballantine
• John Mireau

This post brought to you by Cards Against Humanity, the best drunken pep talks ever, and staying up until 4:30 because you can't stop talking and don't want the con to end.

Does Talent Matter? How the Idea of Talent Saved and Sabotaged Me

I’m sitting in my fourth grade classroom, picking at a bit of dried glue on my desk. Across from me is Matt, a tall skater boy who belongs to the popular-kid posse but bent the Cool Rules enough to help me with long division. He's gone back to being surly now. Across the room, someone giggles.

Our desks are arranged in four-desk pods, and the giggle came from the one diagonally across from mine. Two boys crumble bits of their eraser and throw it at Jess, taking advantage of Mr. P’s turned back. Jess’s head is bowed, blonde hair falling over her glasses as she tries to ignore them.

“Pick your nose!” one of them says in a carrying whisper. He shifts his wicked glare from Jess to me, challenging my temper.

Tears drop onto the stiff, glittery face of the Siberian tiger on Jess's shirt, and I go hot with anger. I clench my teeth and glare back down at my desk. I want to yell at them, but if I do I’ll only cry, and if I cry I’ll probably get in trouble for being so easily provoked.

I’m always easily provoked. I am, as my grandfather would say, pugnacious. After a while, though, you either fight back or shut down, and I’m years from shutting down.

Mr. P finishes pulling our composition books from the file cabinet and gives the boys a look. He’s the nicest teacher I’ve ever had, but I wish he’d let me and Jess sit together. He can’t, really. The desks are alphabetical, and despite our names both starting with “Har-”, the luck of the numbers has us sitting half a classroom apart. My desk is closest to the door. I can’t wait to get out of here.

Mr. P hands out the composition notebooks, and after yesterday’s class, my face is still burning. I wish Jess hadn’t raised her hand to read her story. It had been about us watching a spaceship landing and being ecstatic when some of our favorite fictional characters stepped out. She cried “Luke Skywalker!?” and I cried out “Ben!?”

My childhood love.

She’d meant the intrepid apprentice from the American Girl series about Felicity, but there was a boy in the class named Ben—one of the popular boys—and they were all now convinced I had a crush on him. I’d rather date the apprentice, who has dark reddish hair that matches his stubborn, fiery personality. Jess knows my taste pretty well. That’s why we’re friends.

I slide my composition book toward me and open it, letting myself fall back into the story of kidnapped golden foxes and the young girl who rides off to find them and save her village. I’m glad Mr. P has us writing stories. He reads to us too, and pairs us off to read books together so we can talk about them. I flush, remembering he assigned me to read a book with Ben a few weeks ago. Ben was nice, and never said anything bad about me like the other boys did.

He wasn’t brave either, though. He laughed when they said mean things and never tried to stop them. I remember him standing there when A.J. spat in my Young Jedi Knights book, and when Josh “accidentally” hit me in the face with a basketball. Never mind. Ben isn’t nice. Ben is scared.

Instead of thinking about it, I disappear into my story, imagining the thud of hooves and the warm little crate where the golden foxes are held, deep inside a cave covered in twisting vines. I don’t come out again until Mr. P crouches next to me, his hands on my desk for balance. Mr. P is young—he has long, curly hair he wears back in a ponytail and glasses. He drives a motorcycle to school and is engaged to the art teacher.

“Lauren,” he says, already smiling. “I read your story so far and it’s really good. Have you ever thought about becoming a writer?”

I know people write books, but they’ve always been distant, mythical beings as rare and magical as pegacorns. They’re Authors. I love making up stories but I didn’t think anyone would like reading them. Mr. P said my fox story was good, though, and he’s a teacher.

I don’t look around. I don’t want to see my classmates, whether they’re looking or not. Mr. P hadn’t crouched down at any other desks. Only mine. I feel strangely triumphant all of a sudden. I’m a horse-loving bookworm and a Jedi-wannabe; I make myself an easy target because I try to be like the heroines in my favorite books and stand up for other people.

But I have talent.

Have you ever thought about becoming a writer?

“Yes.” It was almost a lie, since I never though about it before now, but I don’t want to lose hold of this new possibility blooming inside me, quietly pushing back the dread. “That’s what I want to do.”

Does Talent Matter?

I was bullied from fourth to eighth grade and books had always been a solace for me, as they are for so many. When I found out I could write them, I knew it was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

But what does talent really mean, and does it really matter? Its impact on my life has been both positive and negative, because as much as talent itself helped me to identify and be recognized for my passion, the idea of talent may have held me back.

I'd had attention for writing as a child and teen, and that talent drove me to keep impressing so I didn't lose the one thing that, amid the insults and fistfights, made me feel special. As a middle schooler, my body started reacting to the bullying for me. I dreaded the bus, the cafeteria, the classrooms, and when the stress got too bad, my body produced a fever like a rabbit from a hat. I went home. I wrote.

My youth was my selling point and, like a desperate fashion model, I was determined to cash in before my moneymaker checked out. I felt like it wouldn't be as "impressive" to publish as a bona fide adult. I didn't think I would ever be great, but I didn't just want to be good.

So I wanted to be special instead. S.E. Hinton special. Christopher Paolini special. (Except, you know, continue publishing.)

Talent isn't the end-all-be-all of "making it". After all, every one of us can think of at least five people who are famous despite being talent-less at their chosen field. There's no formula to getting published, though some combination of the following elements is usually quoted in the result:

• Talent
• Hard work
• Dedication
• Skill (gaining/improving)
• Luck
• Connections
• Timing
• Blood
• Sweat
• Tears
• Coffee

At BaltiCon 2012, +Dave Robison of The Roundtable Podcast interviewed the podcasters, begging the question "Does Talent Matter?" Here's a link to that excellent episode. Few of the responses gave an outright "no"--most people were quick to point out that talent might give writers an extra boost, but needed a lot of elbow-grease to develop it into something like skill. One interesting comment, however, indicated that the perception of "talent" may very well hold writers back.

Talent!? How can talent hold you back?

Let's return to high school-aged Scribe. I went to a small, nerdy high school that had just opened, and almost everyone who went there was a geek. It was a godsend. For the first time since moving to North Carolina, I didn't get bullied. I made friends--the best friends of my life. Friends who are still with me today (shout out to the Ladies Pendragon). Finally, the shackles of depression and CONSTANT VIGILANCE were falling away. In this new, safe atmosphere my writing flourished. I dreamed up new worlds and characters with my friends. I found my target audience. I expanded to fit my own skin, giving life to the construct that had been holding my place until it was safe to come out.

I studied grammar fiercely and felt secure in my talent as a writer, lavishing in the descriptions of the worlds I wanted readers to see and love as I did. When I was seventeen, I sat down and decided I was going to start My First Novel. Unlike the other times I'd written a couple of scenes, I swore to finish this one.

Three and a half years later, I did. I was in college at this point and started researching agents. I realized my story was far longer than the projected 100k average for fantasy novels. Mine was 150k.

Whatever. I was a good writer for my age. I hacked my book down to 130k and sent off a query. A few weeks later I got a full manuscript request.

Ecstatic, I printed and shipped the manuscript (this was, believe it or not, before most agents accepted emailed files) and dashed down to my local coffee-shop to wave the yellow request slip in front of my writing club and jump up-and-down like a Took on a sugar-high.

Secretly, I thought my youth would still be impressive. Though I was already 22, I was still at university. I still had this delusion that I was a precocious child and my youth was the selling point  rather than my skill.

A few weeks later, I got a rejection. It was a form, with a little check mark, and a neat cursive message:

The writing is nice, but the story is too long and slow.

I was annoyed. It was a good story. And it was way shorter and faster than other stories I'd read. AND I WAS TALENTED! After the initial despair, I realized my mistake had been relying on my talent--or my perception of myself as talented--to make up for whatever my writing lacked. Luckily, I had learned two excellent things from that rejection.

• The prose itself was decent (though not amazing enough to carry a slower start like Tad Williams or Jacqueline Carey)

• Talent and passion had let me coast this far, but if I wanted to get published, I needed to start pedaling.

I was annoyed at myself. If I hadn't been so convinced my talent and youth would get me published, I might have started learning mechanics sooner, started working on how to make my sentences clear and precise, my story structure logical, and my pacing on point. I'd wasted too much time trusting in my +5 Armor of Talent long after the battle against bullies was over. I had failed to hone my skills enough to be comfortable taking that "talent" armor off.

Does talent matter?

Yes, it mattered when I was young, but not because it meant I was a good writer: because it meant I had a goal to look forward to when I couldn't stand being inside my own skin. Something to be better at than other people. Part way through eighth grade, when a horrific family event caused me to lose both my best friend and my sense of personal safety, I finally did shut down. I went through class in a daze. I didn't do homework. I didn't see friends. I woke up in the middle of the night and sat on the couch, crying. I thought I was going crazy.

Then, one of my tormentors (who had somehow become friends with my brother) found out and used the worst trauma of my life to ridicule me in front of the entire cafeteria. I hurled my unopened milk at him and stormed out of the cafeteria, past the front desk, and out the front doors, crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I didn't want to be there anymore. I hated that school and I hated what it had made me become. I hated how weak I was and how broken my world felt, how quickly I cried and how often.

My seventh-grade math teacher, (an ex-football player and also a Mr. P) had been overseeing the cafeteria. He'd borrowed my notebook full of stories and drawings the year before, and despite my lackluster grades in math, encouraged me to keep writing and even found a contest for me to submit to. I was almost to the school's front stairs--stairs I'd been shoved down the year before by a kid on my bus--when he stopped me.

"You're going to be a writer," he said.

Tears rolling down my face, I didn't respond to him. I knew what he was afraid of. I've never considered suicide, and I wasn't considering it then; I just wanted out. I went with him to the guidance counselor. They called my mom, who came to pick me up. Before I left, he reminded me again that I was a talented writer, and that was something no one could take away.

Does talent matter?

No. It stopped mattering after that first big rejection, when I realized talent alone would never be enough to get me published. I had to stop thinking about it, or I wouldn't be able to move forward with my work. I wouldn't be able to accept the criticism I needed to improve if I didn't let down the shields a little. I'd always been good at accepting line-notes, but the ideas themselves? I'd never considered those open-season.

I'd constructed my entire identity around writing, down to my nickname: Scribe. It wasn't all I had, but it defined who I was. But my love of writing was deeper than the superficial idea that my talent for it could somehow protect me, somehow make people like and respect me. I love writing because I love the part of myself that creates stories. I love the part of me that can put words on a page and evoke images, create emotion, make it matter. That has nothing to do with talent.

Does talent matter?

Maybe. Now, at 28, I'm too old to be special if I get published. I'm not a prodigy. I'm not even sure I'm talented anymore because I still have this notion that "talent" somehow drives success, and if I'm not successful by now despite all the hard work I've put in since that rejection, I must not be talented. I know that's not true, but getting myself to believe it is sometimes hard, especially when I'm at the bottom of the hill, looking up.

It's a load of crap, really. I don't want to be special because I'm young, or talented "for my age", because that indicates there are insufficiencies elsewhere that people are willing to overlook because I'm not a writer in full blossom yet.

I want to be special because I'm a good writer, and because my stories have meant something to the people who read them. I'm not young anymore, and if I'm not talented I'll just have to work harder to become skilled.

This has not been an easy post to write, but I feel it's an important one. I love writing. I love it enough to let go of my out-dated ideas of talent and what it says about my future, my dreams, and myself.

Do you think talent matters? Why or why not? How has the idea of talent (and having or not having it) affected you as a writer or artist?

**Pictures from American Girl wiki, dosomething.org, and the ilovecharts tumblr

Pendragon Variety Call for Submissions!

The first issue of Pendragon Variety Literary Magazine is scheduled for release in May, and we need YOUR contributions to make it happen! This will release first as the Audio Literary Magazine, and later as an e-book.

The theme for Issue # 1 is "DRAGONS". This issue will be dedicated to the life and memory of Anne McCaffrey, so every story should include dragons in some significant way. Cyber dragons, genetically-engineered dragons, dragon mech-warriors–use your imagination. But they must be pivotal.

Deadline: March 5th

ART:

If you would like to contribute insert art Pendragon Variety Issue #1, please email PendragonVariety@gmail.com with the subject “ART SUBMISSION – Your Name” with relevant links and/or attachments.

FICTION:

Length: 100 – 5,000 words. If you have something longer, please query first – we will consider it.

What we want: From Sci-Fi to Steampunk to Sword and Sorcery, anything speculative! Reprints accepted.

What we don’t want: Anything you would be ashamed to read in front of a random selection of people from a Dragon*Con hotel lobby, including at least one person dressed as Darth Vader.

Format: A properly-formatted .doc or .rtf file

Send it to: PendragonVariety@gmail.com; with “SUBMISSION – Your Title” as the subject header.

We will discuss preferences for audio production after the acceptance of your story. At the moment, we regret that we are unable to pay our authors. If you would like to help us pay our authors, please go to the site and click on the DONATE button.

NaNoWriMo Outlining Workshop - Part I : The Groundwork

Character – Motivation- Conflict

This workshop is intended for those who already have a pretty good idea of their story, characters, and at least a vague notion of where they want their story to go. Feel free to be like "It's Magic, I ain't gotta explain shit!" at this point. That's stuff for later. If you've got a rough sketch of a scene here, a plot twist there, this is definitely going to help. Sit tight. But before you sit tight, make a pot of coffee and grab a notebook, a pack of notecards, and a pen. We're going to be doing this old-school.

This section focuses on the most important part of story: characters. It's aimed at organizing your characters on paper--their descriptions, desires, and disagreements--before you start writing your outline. You may find subplots, new twists, and new scenes springing to mind as you work through this section. Take note of them--you'll use that in part II of the workshop.

Note: Wow, y'all! I've had several thousand views on this post, so thank you! If you're enjoying this, or if it's not working for you, or if you have stuff to add, I'd love to hear from you in the comments. :)

I. CHARACTER

Write your characters’ names on separate notecards, or spread out on notebook paper—you’ll be writing quite a bit under each character’s name.

1.      Write a description of each major character (including your antagonist[1] or antagonistic force) that includes:

DECRIPTOR + NOUN

Descriptor - an adjective or adjectival phrase such as magic-weilding, willful, out-of-work.

Noun that helps you define your character, such as mercenary, werewolf, teenager.

Examples:
A. headstrong princess
B. stuttering slave
C. itinerant mage
D. charismatic general

*It is also acceptable to write NOUN who DESCRIPTIVE ACTION

Example: A girl who recently lost her job / a boy who survived the killing curse / a girl who hates her fairy-godmother.

2.      Once you have that list, try to add another descriptor you’d like the readers to discover about the character as they go through the book. You may not know this yet, and if not, you’ll probably figure it out while you’re writing. I call these “Shadow Descriptions”

Examples:
A. compassionate
B. brave
C. lonely
D. manipulative

So, throughout the story the reader will learn that the “headstrong princess” is also compassionate, the “stuttering slave” is also brave, the “itinerant mage” is also lonely, and the “charismatic general is manipulative. These traits don’t have to be surprising, but are how you might describe your characters’ personalities. These are the things you want to show your reader through your characters’ actions.

II. MOTIVATION

1.      Primary Desires

Write down what each character wants at the start of the story. Pick the most important motivation—the one thing they’re most concerned about. Try to make this more specific than “to be happy” or “to survive”. If you find yourself being too general, ask yourself questions. What would make them happy? What are they trying to survive, or is there something they are trying to survive for?

Examples:
A. To be a great queen.
B. To be in control of his own life.
C. To find the master that left him behind
D. To run a combined (and therefore peaceful) Rizellen and Centoren—his way.

Remember to note what their desires are at the BEGINNING of the story. These are usually the motivations we see right out in the open, the very first time we meet that character. You may find that your feelings about these goals change as you write, or even throughout the workshop. That’s fine!

2.      Secondary Desires

No one wants just one thing. In fact, people often want two different things that don’t go together, or that create some kind of internal conflict. Below your characters’ primary desires, write at least one more thing that character wants. I recommend you have two or three secondary desires for each character.

Examples:
A. To be seen and loved for who she is / to get home / to stop the war
B. To remain under the radar (and therefore safe) / to protect the people he cares about
C. To learn and teach magic by writing his book / to prevent war / NOT to be the only one trying to fix Rizellen’s problems
D. To be respected and revered for ending the war (by either conquering or combining) / to use the kidnapped princess as a means to get (primary desire) / to destabilize Rizellen

If your characters’ own desires conflict with one another, that’s a great source of tension, which gives you plenty of internal conflict.

            Example:

            Stuttering (but brave) slave boy wants to stay safely under the radar, but can’t because he also wants to protect those he cares about.

III. CONFLICT 

Write down next to each primary desire at least two things preventing the character from getting what he wants in the beginning chapters of your story. At least one of these should be related to your antagonist’s goals. If it’s not, you probably need to do some thinking on what makes those characters your protagonists and antagonists, and see if you can nudge them into more direct opposition.

Example:

The headstrong and compassionate princess wants to be a great queen. The things getting in her way are:

1. The council wants her cousin to be queen

2. She’s been kidnapped and can’t get home

3. She has no confidence in herself

4. She doesn’t know what her people need

The antagonist’s primary goal is to rule both of their countries, which conflicts with her goal of someday being a great queen. Further, the antagonist plans to use her against her kingdom, which also conflicts with her desire to be a great queen, as does his desire to destabilize her kingdom.

Often, the protagonist and antagonist will have something in common. In this cast, both characters want peace, but not only do they have different visions of a peaceful future, they have different ideas about the methods. These similarities and differences between your pro-and-antagonists will help you.

The main plot of your story should be rooted in this conflict of desires.

Of course, there will be much more to the story than just your main character and antagonist’s conflict, but that conflict should always have a bearing on the story—like Voldemort and Harry Potter’s conflicting desires shaped the overall narrative arc of the series (and each book) without being the most important part of every scene.

DONE? HEAD ON OVER TO PART II

Was this helpful? Did you make any discoveries? Having trouble? Let me know in the comments!

---

[1] If you don’t have an antagonist, go listen to Adryn’s villain workshop and come back when you’ve got a little more idea of your bad guy or antagonistic force. Check it out on Pendragon Variety Podcast. This is VERY IMPORTANT.

Blog Bus! Great Blogs from This Week

Okay, so I had planned on doing this blog round-up thing once a week, but it turns out my WIP wasn't the only thing in need of revision. It's now been eleven days. I suck, and I'm sorry.

But rather than jumping onto the Fail!Bus, let's take a short-cut and hop straight onto the vastly more scenic route of the Blog!Bus.

On our Route today: Stop 1 - Craft; Stop 2 - Industry/Self-Pub

To start out, how about a little sing-a-long?

John Anealio's Sci-Fi Songs Blog! rocked this week with "New Releases"

And just as a little food for thought, check out Livia Blackburne's post about Psychology as Inspiration for Writers. It seems Adryn is not alone in studying psychology to make people worse...accurately. In fiction.

STOP 1: CRAFT

Three Integral Parts of a Story's Beginning : Author KM Weiland guest posts on the StoryFix.com blog, and talks about how character, action, and setting drive the first scene of a story. Hitler Invades Poland, indeed!

The next three posts illustrate why Magical Words Bloggers are Awesome!

Descriptive Passages Part II: Setting : Magical Words Blogger David B Coe continues his series on descriptive passages, this time focusing on using descriptive passages of setting to help further plot, character, or background. Will be applying this to my own work, most definitely!

Descriptive Passages Part III: Action: Because I suck, David B Coe had time to publish the third in the description series while I was filing my teeth against my manuscript.

Setting, POV, Backstory & Characterizatin (Part II): Another Magical Words blogger, Edmund Schubert, gives some good advice about characters interacting with setting to provide backstory and characterization.

The Trouble With With : I just recently found this blog, Flogging the Quill, and I already love it. In this post, novelist Ray Rhamy talks about techniques for avoiding using "with" in dialog tags, thereby creating stronger writing. No more saying "I did it," with satisfaction.

The Successful Solo Novelist: Possible or Not? Very interesting article from Writer Unboxed, which highlights the importance of editors. He uses Anne Rice as an example, showing how her early work was great, and later, when she fought never to have her prose "mutilated" by editorial hands again, how it spun out of control. Well, we all knew Anne Rice had issues.

I NEED A PIT-STOP!

Howtobescene's 10 Minute Twitter Challenge Song!

STOP 2 : Publishing Industry, E-Publishing, and Self-Publishing
From Draft to Hardback : YA Author Scott Westerfield takes us on the journey of what he, as a writer, does in the process of transforming a draft into a hardback book.
The next three posts focus on the future of the publishing industry when it comes to e-publishing.

Speakin' My Language / The Order of Go : From the Confessions From Suite 500 blog, assistant at the Fine Print Literary Agency, Meredith Barnes, gives her take on why ebooks are NOT going to ruin the publishing industry.
The Future of Story: This post over at Editorrent talks about how we can try to harness the idea of hard and soft trends to help predict the future of story, and figure out it's place in an expanding internet world.
The next two posts from StoryFix.com discuss Self-Publishing, why you might want to do it, and when you probably shouldn't.
Should You Self Publish? One Writer's Take / A Self Publishing Reality Check


And Just Because I'm Shamelessly Self-Promotional:
Go listen to the newest episode of Pendragon Variety, the audio lit mag and round table discussion podcast for genre fiction writers. This week's topic is "Research for Fantasy"